Jan. 576AZ
Second Edition
Shattered Times
Where The Hell...
has my stapler gone? It was right on my desk, and then... Suddenly, not! Whoever took it, left a bunch of goop where it was. It tastes metallic, and I put it in a plastic cookware container. I really hope someone returns it. And explain the Jell-O Mystery.
Artik, King of Vegeta, has died. Apparently, on the Planet Trenzalore, during his fancy dinner party, the so-called 'Sun King', spontaneously melted. No word yet if this is connected to my stapler....
Rash of Body Theft from Uberia to Heaven. No one is sure who the perpetrator is, but it's almost certainly connected to a ghost. Because Uberia is the de facto home of ghosts....
A research team has gathered on the neutral planet of Antarcticia. The team consists of Rava, Namekians, Seraphim, various entities of different shapes and colours that collectively assert that they are Romans (Or Archsapians), Tuffles, a Saiyan, a human, and others. When we asked Majins if they would attend, the planet collectively scoffed. Oookaaaay....
Miscellany
The staples are still here....
Tupperware sales astronomical....
Space Denny's food still as mushy as ever....
"Beat you can't rape that gopher," raves Deep South Times' critic Jimbo Pigstalker, about new movie, 'Jaws 48: Even More Mandibly.'
M. Night Shamalalalalululululululululuskrreeeee!lan's grave discovered; properly desecrated.
'Mel Gibson was a praying mantis', says archealogist.
Plutonium declared 'dwarf element'.
Did you leave your oven on or is that your child on fire? ;3
'Nobody knows the trouble I've seen,' says blind man. 'I hear that,' says deaf. 'Dhfidkix,' says mute.
Sales of Congressional seats legalized, if a doctor's prescription is authenticated.
I scream for eyes cream. Because they're really dry. It burns. AAAAHHHH. EYES CREAM.
'Day before tomorrow is today,' says Lieut. Obvious. Obvious is expecting a promotion soon....
