Relaxing

"Yeah...no that ain't gonna fly. What did you mean? I can see straight through that smile. First rule of being a lier. Never bullshit a bullshitter."

"Ahhh... Well..." She rubbed the back of her neck. "Keep in mind, I still think of you the same no matter what. And that's very good."

"Get to the point." He said, narrowing his eyes

"I don't act as I really am." She said, casting her gaze down at her feet.

"Explain."

"Well, see, I was insane once. Afterwards I continued acting similarly so-" She stopped right there for a spit second. "Anyways, it's much simpler like this, I like it better."

"Acted insane?"

"Huh? No, I really was insane for years. I'm not exactly sure what, but I got back my sanity somehow. I didn't act insane anymore but kept the same attitude I had then."

Riza sighed. "Your lucky....."

She shook her head. "Well when I met you, that was the fake. But eventually it started, well, coming off. I'm becoming more and more like real me every day, not good." She looked at him. "What do you mean lucky?"

"Your going to probably hate me for this." He said quietly. After a moment of deliberating of how to say it. The world around them shifted and moved as he thought. "Your lucky that you were insane."

She blinked, then got angry, then softened a bit. "Do you know the feeling of insanity? It's the worst feeling of all. Like getting dragged through hell without the flames. I'm not going to explain it, I hate it so much. How could I possibly have been lucky?;

Suddenly hundreds of 2d flats appeared floating around Riza. His memories. "So many things. So many things I want to forget. Choices I slave away over. Thoughts of morality and duties of protection." He flicked the memories to and fro. several ones of note passes. The death of his first unborn child. The killing of his father by Artik. His death as a child. Then the whiteness as e was erased from the universe. "If I were insane I wouldn't have to think."

She looked at him, feeling bad but refusing to show it. "I...I can't even begin to explain insanity to you, it would take to long." Suddenly she had a angry kind of light to her eyes, but spoke almost calmly. "Don't we all wish we could forget something?"

Riza stayed silent for a good 4 minutes. He showed no anger but the landscape revealed his true emotions. The beach began to melt away. "Maynin," he said calmly. "Do you know what it is like to be controlled?"

"It feels bad. I don't know much." She said simply.

Sarah an Lilith shrunk away, as they both knew what this did to Riza. It almost upset him as much as his sister.

"I mean full on controlled. Not tricked, not bribed, full on can't control yourself."

"No. Not that kind."

"It is much MUCH worse than being insane." His voice was still calm but the beach had turned into a torrent of memories. "Imagine being able to think. Think and nothing else. You only get to watch as someone else moves and speaks for you. You can only watch as you cause your friends to die one by one."

"Sounds a bit like it. Just a bit." She said, appearing placid.

"And then imagine as you watch as your body slowly chokes the life at of the one you love most of all." A memory appeared. It was the day that the controlled Riza and killed Elucidia. "Not being able to so anything as their life drains away. Because. Of. You."

"Well do you know what insanity is like? It's not all the fun and fucking games people think where the psycho runs around killing people with a big smile on his face, happy as can be. It's torment. You feel as if you're being controlled, just watching yourself hurt people. But you KNOW it's you! It's an on and off switch of madness that never goes away, only fades and returns. The darkness inside, your own self, not something else."

Riza grinned. "Your an idiot. I have been insane to. But not the level you pretend to be at. When you are truly insane you don't think. Insanity isn't control from your inner darkness. Insanity I losing grip on what the rest hold so dear." The smile wasn't one of happiness or smugness. It was more of a forced look caused by his need to continue his facade

"I wasn't pretending. I told you already, think about it, I merely said I kept my attitude." She smiled back. "I am still very much psychotic. What you're talking about is a whole other level, the one I was spared from by who knows. I'm talking about the torment kind." She was silent for a second, gathering her thoughts. "You feel like you're dying, and yet you're so full of sick life. You feel so tired, but restless too. A minute feels like forever and the days are endlessly painful, knowing you've gone another twentyfour hours of it. It's the kind where you're turning on yourself and you're not sure what's real and what's not. You slowly drift in and out of being able to think. Not the kind where you do everything without thinking."

"That's sounds like normal life to me."